4 Ways to Make Amends in Recovery
Problem was I started at the end of a pay period and would have to wait 3 weeks to get paid! That sober living didn’t give you time to find a place, they kick you out same day they decide. “You’ve been awarded…”………………… when I tell you I almost cried….. You have no idea the weight you lifted off my tired shoulders. I immediately found a sober living with less requirements in an attempt to keep my job. Talking to my sponsor he flat suggested I get a new job anyway so I would have time to devote to my recovery.
Whatever the situation, there are a few ways to get started in the process of repairing wrongs with the people you most care about. Living amends, in this event, can include making changes to the behaviors contributing to the falling out between the survivor and the person they owed an apology to. For example, let’s say a mother didn’t make an effort to escort her children to the school bus stop.
What’s the Difference between Making Amends and Offering an Apology?
An apology doesn’t include an action that attempts to make up or compensate for that wrongdoing. That is also a different ball of wax entirely, one that we have written about here. To discern whether to make amends, ask yourself why you’re wanting to contact the person. For example, if you had an affair for three years during active addiction, visiting your ex to fess up and say you’re sorry isn’t going to help them; it’s going to hurt them. Are you taking the step to clear your conscience at the expense of another person? If so, then you should avoid approaching that individual.
- This scholarship will help me in so many ways, as my family has finally set the boundary that they will no longer enable or support my risky and self-destructive behavior.
- And when it comes to our family and children, we might be particularly interested in speeding that process along.
- I have been to expensive and fancy treatment centers before, but upon discharge and return home to Austin, was never set up in the recovery community with the proper support and guidance.
- You might go to that person and take responsibility for what you have done wrong, express you deep remorse, and ask what you can do to make it up to them.
- Ninety percent of the time, I keep my mouth shut, but I am my son’s mother.
I have a decent place to live, a good, accessible job on the way and I’m rock solid in my sobriety. The scholarship that I was blessed with changed my life. For once in my life, I can honestly say I am truly at peace with myself and the world. I still have a lot of work to do, but one thing is for sure, if it wasn’t for God that worked through Sharon that night, I would be dead right now. My connection with my Higher Power enables me to take on life as it is without having to numb myself to endure it. My living amends to my mother is to be fully present in my life so I can be fully present in hers.
What Makes Me Healthy 2022 Graphic Design Winner – Kelly Zalewski Poster
Perhaps it is something you said or did while they were ill. Now, whether it is an apology, a want for forgiveness, or an amends, that person isn’t here and it makes it hard to imagine any of those things are possible. Like the definition says, amends is something we do to make up for something we feel guilty for. It is different from an apology, which is “a regretful acknowledgment of an offense or failure”.
- I know I cannot fix all of the issues that came as a direct result of my drinking but I have a short term plan to start making small financial/livings amends with help from my sponsor.
- I didn’t know if I was qualified, but I was told since I’ve been through step 8 with my sponsor and continue to do 9,10,11, and the others daily that, of course, I’m ready.
- Still, we want to support those who beat the odds and are serious about their sobriety.
- You can also turn to AA’s Big Book and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (the 12 & 12) for guidance specific to Step 8.
It’s important to note that making amends is for the person we hurt. Yes, we partake in the process to “clean up our side of the street,” but we do not make amends to living amends clear our conscience or undo our feelings of guilt. If someone does not want to hear from us, we respect that and do our best to move forward with our recoveries.
Types of Twelve-Step Amends
It’s about making positive changes within yourself so that you don’t repeat old patterns of behavior that led to your broken relationships in the first place. The changes that occur due to your efforts positively affect your commitment to becoming a better friend, child, parent, or person all around. I have made life long friends in this process and feel so blessed to feel “a part of” a community of like minded people I can count on and they can count on me as well.
My name is Mackenzie Wilson, and I was granted a Living Amends scholarship I’ve used to help fund my stay at my sober living house. I cannot begin to express what your help has done for me, even just a month in. Staying here as I begin my sober journey isn’t just about having a roof over my head with fellow recovering addicts.
Preparing for Making Amends in AA
At Living Amends, we recognize the need for sober living in the recovery process. As a result, we’ve developed our scholarship for those seeking a way to pay for this method of on-going treatment. Through donations and contributions from people who are also in recovery, we can encourage you to live a sober lifestyle.